In November I had my Old Timey adventure. One of the small adventures I’ll write about next month was a retro adventure. Here in lies my Ye Olde Adventure, where Dr. Jen and I lived like royalty! All the activities planned were themed to match with the “old world,” whatever that means. Jen and I have argued what era is Ye Olde. Jousting, archery battles, and shopping malls lie within. Stay safe and wash your hands, everyone.

The first leg of our journey was in Washington, D.C. where we spent time walking around getting ice cream (created around 500 BCE) at Milk Bar (created much later than 500 BCE). It was an interesting place where I got a piece of their famous Crack Pie. It was good but certainly not in my top 5 pies. After that we walked to the Smithsonian American Art Museum. I have no pictures to prove it, but there was Ye Olde Art being exhibited.

For dinner we went to a Mongolian Barbecue. I was imaging Genghis Khan sitting around a huge, hot stone cooking goat with his horde. I assumed this was a cooking style that dated back to the early days of Asian conquest where warriors traveled the steppes looking for towns to plunder. Turns out Mongolian Barbecue was created in Taiwan around 1951. I failed in making a Ye Olde dinner choice but I succeeded in making a delicious dinner choice.

One of my life goals is to see every Shakespearean play performed live (so far I’ve seen 17 different plays at least once). We were able to go to the Shakespeare Theater Company to see Timon of Athens. Since it was written around 1605, it can easily be considered a Ye Olde play. The play was amazing, especially the performances of Arnie Burton and Kathryn Hunter. Well worth the drive and cost of admission.

Day 2 of the adventure is where things got really down to Ye Olde-ness. We started the morning playing Dodge-Bow. Yep, we were given arrows with pads on them and tried hunting each other. You really need a group to play but since the place was open anyway, the owner let us screw around and shoot at each other for half an hour. We didn’t get refunds but next time we go is free! Woohoo! Here is a small clip from my Faux Pro. It’s terrible quality reminiscent to a found footage horror movie from SYFY channel. At the end of the post is a much longer and much worse video if you feel like watching.

Mere minutes from Dodge-Bow is the swanky Arundel Mills Mall where we would be having our Ye Olde dinner. I haven’t talked much about my love of malls in this blog but trust me, it’s unhealthy. I think we went to 4 malls on our North West adventure. My formative years took place in suburban Ohio in the 80’s. Hanging out at the mall was the cool/only place to go and damned if that hasn’t stuck with me. Jen hates shopping but she’s so indulgent of me that she had no problem making a few laps around the place before dinner.

Built into the mall is a Medieval Times restaurant! We were transported back in time to watch fools fight for our amusement while we drank Diet Coke! We even got put in the Black and White knight’s section, which is my favorite knight. Yes, I’ve been there enough times to have a favorite knight. Judge not lest ye be an asshole.

Let’s take a look at the score card.

A solid 24. Some people who don’t know me might think I’m a little too liberal with my danger rankings. I’m not. On this trip I busted my toe walking, scraped my arm with the bow even wearing an arm guard, and got a small burn on my knee from sliding across the rubber gym floor dodging an arrow from Jen. Enjoy my injuries.

April 19th: Happy birthday, Mr. Rusak! Enjoy a blurry, hard to watch video of your daughter shooting arrows at me.