Learned that from a hockey ninja.

I finally got around to completing the Joy Ride trilogy by watching Joy Ride 3: Road Kill. Oh Rusty Nail, you’ve provided me with so much to think about concerning my upcoming (impending?) road trip. Do I buy a CB or not? Is it better to know a killer is on your tail or is blissful ignorance of your demise preferable? Should I be friendly to truck drivers or just avoid them entirely, walking through truck stops staring at the floor so as to not make eye contact? What the hell is a hockey ninja and why are they teaching truckers to kill?

indexJoy Ride 3 follows the same basic premise as the previous 2. Through some insult or slight, a trucker is induced to chase and torture. And the murderous trucker is none other than our friend Rusty Nail. This time we follow the road trip of a race car driver and his pit crew trying to get to a race in Canada. Although their GPS doesn’t show it, they find a short cut on a map. At a diner they decide to ask a trucker if the road exists and they just happen to find the craziest mother in the place.

The crazy fella tells them that the road is nicknamed Slaughter Alley and that a psychotic trucker monitors it looking for victims. By happenstance the police chief enters the diner and hears the conversation. He breaks in to tell the race crew that sure a bunch of people died on the road, including the two tweakers who’s dismembered bodies were found just hours before, but that doesn’t mean anything. Those exploded and dragged bodies were probably killed by coyotes. All the deaths can be explained. No one should listen to the loony man who tries to warn them away from Slaughter Alley.

Well our heroes decide to take the short cut and shave a day off their trip. I don’t support cutting road trips short but they had their reasons. Since Rt. 17 (Slaughter Alley) is all but deserted with no police monitoring it (why would they, the bodies from that morning have been cleaned up) they decide to play with their race car. They take it off the trailer and stretch their legs on the wide straight away. For whatever reason the driver lets the jerk of the group get behind the wheel. As he’s racing along he comes up fast behind a big rig, riding it’s tail. Then in an asshole move passes and cuts into the lane too early forcing the trucker to swerve and hit the breaks. Guess who that trucker was. Yep, it was Rusty. And just like any of us, getting cut off made him angry. Now when I get cut off I usually swear at the person in my Jeep, fume, and then get over it. We’ve all read in the paper where some people get so mad they start shooting each other. Rusty kicks it up a notch and begins to do what he does best, torture and kill.

Sadly the movies have slowly progressed from thriller to torture porn. This third entry into the series feels a little too much like Saw than a chase thriller. Instead of the hunt, too much attention is given to what happens when the prey is captured. I enjoyed it for what it is but like most horror sequels, it isn’t as good as the first.

Lessons learned:

  1. Don’t purposely cut off a trucker. In fact don’t purposely cut off anyone.
  2. If a road is nicknamed Slaughter Alley and a cop confirms recent deaths on it, avoid it. My plan takes me down the Enchanted Highway in North Dakota, hopefully that’s not a misnomer.
  3. Don’t troll for trucker meth on the CB. My goal is to actually stay clear of meth altogether.

2 thoughts on “Learned that from a hockey ninja.

  1. Chris

    The “Hockey Ninja” was a reference to the movie Friday The 13th Part 8 Jason Takes Manhattan. Jason played by Kane Hodder tosses Ken Kirzinger who played a chef in a diner just as Rusty Nail tosses Jordan over his shoulder.

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